Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
