guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
