I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
