I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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