I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
