oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
