Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dicks are not precious.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
