i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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