Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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