David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
