She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
