I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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