she told me i tasted like america
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
