so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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