If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
