Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
