areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
