I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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