My cat gives me a boner
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
