Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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