i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
