i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
