I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She said her name was "party"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
