i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
