Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
