theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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