Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize