theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
