I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
