I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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