Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
