Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
