You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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