So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
