I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize