My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
