I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
