why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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