your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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