I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
