I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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