I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
