yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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