He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
