Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
