i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
