Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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