if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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