My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
