Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
