i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
