I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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