Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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