is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
