I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
