Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
