I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
