So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
