why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize